Power, Privilege and the Last Gasps of Patriarchy

Nearly thirty years after the Anita Hill hearings, the nation and the world experienced collective de ja vu. What was supposed to be a shoe-in for a position on the highest court in the land of the free, quickly became a showcase of what the last gasps of patriarchy look like in this country. Acting angry, blameful, entitled we watched career politicians, many of whom are old enough to remember the Anita Hill hearings, deciding they didn’t give a damn about women, women’s rights, or the respect of women. They stubbornly defended their nominee, someone who has been accused of attempted rape, who himself showed no emotional self-control throughout his rageful testimony on Capitol Hill.

As I listened to these men, I kept thinking – what if they were woman? What if a woman sat in a chair and started yelling, pointing fingers, blaming and acting defensively? She would most certainly be called a liar, too emotional, a bitch, or self-serving. The double standards as it relates to gender and privilege, and in this case, white male privilege, was so obvious, most women just rolled their eyes and sighed. So typical.

Thirty years after the Anita Hill hearings, we must ask ourselves difficult questions. How far have we come as women, really? What have we achieved, really? And in the age of #metoo and #timesup, how will be navigate the newly birthed #himtoo movement barreling toward us like a tsunami gaining steam every time a sexual assaulter is elected to high office? Many of us have been watching and patiently waiting for the day when double standards no longer define our ability to be viewed as equals. At the rate we’re going, we might be waiting awhile.

We are standing in a pivotal turning point in the history of our nation. We are also standing in a pivotal moment for the feminist movement. There is a palpable sense that our relationship to power, privilege and patriarchy is shifting, We know in our hearts and in our bones that the traditional systems indoctrinated by our political, economic, societal and even religious institutions are no longer sound. They no longer serve us in a world that is increasingly interconnected, interdependent and under environmental attack. As men rise up to play the victim, to cry and act as if they are the assaulted instead of the assaulter, how will we as women react? Will we reclaim our true power and our voice to stand firmly in sisterhood and say enough is enough? Or will be meet rage with even more rage?

During this process, we also heard from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford who embodied for all of us what it means to reclaim her voice and speak truth to power. By owning her vulnerability and leaning into it as a strength, she showed us what is possible when we step into our true feminine power. Her poise, grace and clarity came through and most everyone who heard her thought she was credible and honest. She did not need to raise her voice, express anger, or play the victim to get her point across. She was rooted and grounded even in moments of weakness and grief.

As women, we have so much to be angry about. And we should continue to be angry when we need to be (as this moment warrants).

But what we also need to do is own our feminine power.

This type of power does not need to control others, dominate or obfuscate.

This power empowers others.

And by coming forward, Dr. Ford empowered a new generation of women who will learn how to reclaim their own voice and power in a new way.

We are quickly moving out of old, outdated models of leadership and power that seek to have power over or take power away from others and we are moving into ways of being that allow us to use it in a way that empowers others. We can apply this idea in all walks of our life, from the boardroom to the courtroom. And because I believe this power is innately wired in women, I think we are poised to lead the way, as Dr. Ford did. And that is the true silver lining in all of this.

The day will come when gender stereotypes and gender bias no longer define our ability to succeed. But first, we have to be the ones to break free from its chains.

No Girls @ the Drawing Board Part I

Women in tech or the lack thereof, is an issue that extends far beyond the reach of the people who work in the tech field. Technology has become such a huge part of our daily life that the influence of its designers bleeds over into the norms of our society. The discouragingly small amount of women designing software and apps isn’t just a bummer, it’s an indication of the value placed on women’s issues and women’s needs.

When Apple first unveiled their Health application, we were amazed at how much it could tell us about our vital signs. It allowed us to track calories, weight, steps, heart rate, respiratory rates and even  more serious items like BAC and electrodermal activity. It was convenient, it was beautiful, and it was missing one BIG thing: a period tracker. Apple Health could tell us virtually everything we needed to know about ourselves – unless we happen to be women, in which case one of the fundamental parts of feminine health was conspicuously left out. In June of 2014, in conjunction with the announcement of Apple Health, the Senior VP of Software Engineering at Apple, Craig Federighi, confidently announced that Health would let users “monitor all of [the] metrics you’re most interested in.” Periods must not have been very interesting to him.

FitBit, on the other hand, did remember to include a period-tracker. Unfortunately, it was similarly out-of-touch. The tracker only allowed users to track their periods for a limited time; attempts to track beyond that were met with the message, “Periods should be between one and ten days.” The options to respond were “okay” and “cancel.” This glaring design flaw is obvious to any woman who has suffered from irregular periods or endometriosis, amongst other reproductive health issues. It begs the question, how many women were involved with designing this feature? If FitBit is true to form for the current tech landscape, the answer is few to none. Today, only 29% of leadership at Apple is female, along with 28 percent at Facebook, and 25 percent at Google. The numbers are slightly higher if you analyze the breakdown of all employees, rather than just leadership, but Pinterest is the only tech company with significantly higher numbers (19 percent of leadership and 45 percent of total employees). This is largely because of a huge effort made by the company in the last year, spearheaded by Candace Morgan and her D&I team.

The lack of women in tech not only leads to products that don’t cater to women’s needs, but they also fall into disappointingly cliche stereotypes about “girliness,” strengthening gender stereotypes. For example, the layouts and color-schemes of some period apps tend to be skewed toward pinks and florals, reaffirming antiquated assumptions about those colors belonging to a specific gender. One of the most popular period-tracking apps, incidentally, is designed by a woman. It’s called Clue and its not pink.

So what do apps designed for women by women actually look like? Here are a few of my favorites:

Spitfire: Built by two female engineers (awesome) who are also competitive athletes (WOW), Spitfire is an app designed to help women take their strength training to the next level by giving them access to the regimens of other competitive athletes. One user, Tatenda M., summed up the app perfectly in her review posted on Spitfire’s website, “ It’s the only weightlifting app that is truly by women for women. It was designed, coded, researched, marketed by tech ladies who lift heavy things and kick ass at both.”

Clue: A period tracker for women, by women. Ida Tin, CEO and co-founder of Clue wanted to feel more in control of her body and its functions, and the app’s clean, no-frills design shows that. “I didn’t want it to be your secret diary… I wanted it to be a very straight, natural part of life”, she says. The app has over seven thousand beaming reviews and boasts a 4.7 star rating.

Canva: Designed by Australian Melanie Perkins, Canva is an editing and designing tool that you’ve probably seen in action before – on my #MotivationalMonday quotes! The app is incredibly user-friendly and, while it may not be designed specifically for women, it has helped me share lots of  content with my social media circles. As a Women’s Leadership and Inclusion expert, being able to share my knowledge and experience in a beautiful way is extremely valuable to reaching my ultimate goal of encouraging and empowering all women.

Honorable mention goes to the team of girls who recently developed an incredible app in a Saudi Arabian hackathon. The hackathon was organized with the goal of producing apps that will help travelers who are participating in the Islamic Pilgrimage known as Hajj. The app allows users to instantly translate signage using the camera on their phone, without the need for an internet connection. The app alone is amazing and has the capacity to change travel as we know it, but in a country notorious for its exclusion of women from making public impacts, its creation is certainly a double victory. “We managed to destroy the impossible and prove that Saudi women can achieve anything,” said developer Bayan al-Ghamdi.

It makes all the sense in the world that apps made by women are better for women. Years of research and development went into creating so many of the applications we now use on a daily basis. Men and women can and should come together to work in tandem to produce amazing and innovative technology. But before that can ever happen, we need more women working in front of the drawing board.

Is Diversity Enough? Here’s Why it May Not Be.

You could have the most diverse workforce there ever was but, if you’re not leveraging that diversity, then what is it good for?

Everyone’s talking about diversity. As Silicon Valley continue to grow and expand, a considerable effort is going toward hiring diverse employees by expanding the candidate pools to include a wider range of backgrounds. Companies from Microsoft to Uber are fervently discussing ways to engage their employees based on their gender, ethnic, religious, and sexual differences, in addition to trying to expand their teams to be more inclusive of people in each of these categories. Does all this effort actually translate into success? Not necessarily. The truth is, you could have the most diverse workforce there ever was, but it’s also possible to miss the mark if the potential of that diversity isn’t leveraged.

When building a team, it is crucial that existing employees as well as new hires understand the value of diversity and the benefits it brings by fostering an inclusive environment. Recent McKinsey research confirms the economic value of a diverse team, demonstrating that companies with “the most ethnically diverse executive teams—not only with respect to absolute representation but also of variety or mix of ethnicities—are 33 percent more likely to outperform their peers on profitability.” Of course being an inclusive and respectful individual is the right thing to do, but even employees prioritizing financial returns should be especially cognizant of data like this when interacting with their colleagues. Yet somehow, sadly, “people of color [still] report isolation, discrimination, and toxic work environments. They are promoted and paid less than their white counterparts. And they are excluded from executive level positions.”

Last week I facilitated a workshop called “Building Respect in the Workplace” for Siemens Healthineers in which I encouraged participants to discover, acknowledge, and ultimately overcome the unconscious biases that have the potential to create these toxic work environments. Unconscious bias is a tough one to tackle because it isn’t born out of malice. Unconscious biases can even manifest when someone believes they are doing something to help their colleague. Unfortunately, these efforts can inadvertently make them feel more out of place than ever. Take this example: A successful person of South-Asian descent, working in finance at a tech company, has been nominated for an award. They win, and when their boss delivers a speech congratulating them for their achievement, the boss suggests that it is truly a triumph that they can come to this country and make such a valuable contribution to American innovation. It turns out, this employee actually grew up in New York.

We also discussed confirmation bias, something that happens as a result of years of paying attention to information which confirms what you already believe, while ignoring information that challenges your preconceived notions. This is why it is so vital to consistently ask for input from others, question your own assumptions, and practice empathy and non-judgement. Here’s another example: If an investor has a positive feeling about a particular company in which they own stock, or perhaps they have made money from it in the past, they are unlikely to sell their stock when they encounter a negative review. Their mind will seek positive information and ignore any negative predictions, thus confirming their assumption that the stock they own is profitable.

Thankfully, a diverse team naturally produces a wide array of opinions and ideas that will inevitably challenge conventional wisdom. If managers can create positive and respectful environments where each member of the team feels their input is appreciated and has influence over the actions of the leader, then the leader can leverage this diversity and translate it into profits and growth.


I’m a Millennial female about to enter the workforce. Here’s why I’m concerned.

God-willing, I am graduating from college this year.

Myself, and all of the other women who will graduate from college this spring are currently faced with a very different image of the working world than our mothers. We’ve witnessed the birth of movements such as #MeToo and #TimesUp, and expect that the age of Mad Men-esque gender dynamics are over.

I know that many companies are rushing to build entire teams devoted to improving their gender demographics. Girls are more in demand than ever, in fields like computer science and engineering. Human Resources may be the birthplace of Diversity and Inclusion initiatives, but it is no longer the only department in which women can break glass ceilings.

The degrees that I will be receiving certainly lend themselves to a career in Diversity and Inclusion, a quickly growing field, but despite being constantly reassured that the bounty of opportunities is ripe for the taking, I still don’t see much in the way of possibilities beyond entry and mid-level positions. My classmates and I are often disappointed when evaluating potential employers because we don’t see ourselves progressing long-term, as evidenced by the stark lack of women in upper management. Statisticians who have analyzed the issue have coined the term ‘leaky pipeline’ to describe the mountain of obstacles women face, starting during the time they are being educated and persisting through their ascents to upper management. Women slip through cracks because of discrimination, inflexible workplaces, and pay disparity. The leaky pipeline is a vicious circle; it’s what causes women to leave their careers before reaching their full potential, resulting in a lack of representation in higher positions.

All of this makes it extremely difficult to find female mentors. While there are a number of women who have made names for themselves in tech, for them the journey to the C-suite was not an easy one. In all likelihood, the last 20+ years of their life may have been devoted to fighting their way up the ladder, battling misogyny, chauvinism, and a constant shadow of doubt cast over their competence. When they were starting out, there were no diversity initiatives. Today, companies like Pinterest are flaunting their diversity goals to increase the number of women on staff to make it more appealing for someone like me entering the workforce.

However, I’ve also been hearing stories about women who have made it but are usually the ones who become Ice Queens that Monique has talked about at great length in her book Leading Gracefully and in last week’s blog. It sounds like these negative feelings make some women especially reluctant to offer mentorship or even encouragement to the younger generation of women who are just starting out.

When I asked a friend who entered the workforce a year ago what her experience has been, she shared how she was given the opportunity to work with the CEO of an all-female company that did not go as planned. The woman who she expected to be mentored by ended up treating her as a personal assistant instead, going so far as to ask her to pick her kids up from school. She told me matter-of-factly, “Guys don’t get asked to do that.” We walked down the sidewalks of San Francisco in silence for some time as I tried to digest the weight of her words. She would tell me later that the same thing happened to her roommate.

In spite of saddening stories like these, I am looking towards the future with optimism and excitement. Working with Monique as an intern at Highest Path has shown me that there are successful women who are eager to walk the walk and bend over backwards to give young women like myself the opportunities to learn and grow in a positive environment. What the working world needs now are more successful women who understand the valuable role that they play in patching up the leaky pipeline and establishing new precedents for the generations of successful women yet to come.

Ice Queen Syndrome – How Faux Confidence Can Hurt Women in Leadership

Queen Bee, the Ice Queen. We’ve all met one or worse yet, worked for one. I recently came across a slew of articles analyzing the role of the these characteristics in the office ecosystem. It’s a topic I’ve discussed at great length both in my book, Leading Gracefully and at speaking engagements across the US and abroad. So, why did these articles in particular catch my eye? They weren’t about the problems associated with being pegged as the Ice Queen, they were about embracing her!

Needless to say, I was shocked. Women have been forced into these stereotypes for decades because of discriminatory work environments, and that’s not a tradition I think we should embrace. As I began reading the arguments posed by pro-Ice Queen authors, I realized that the core of the argument in favor of being the most unapproachable person in the office was about exuding confidence.

Let’s get one thing straight: Women should not have to trade likeability for confidence.

I developed the Feminine Leadership Model based on leading with the ideal balance of our masculine and feminine traits, but confidence is neither. Women can embrace feminine qualities that make them kinder, more caring, and more empathetic – all the while carrying themselves with the kind of confidence that will get them the respect they deserve. And let’s be real, being icy and bitter only exudes faux confidence, at best. I teach my female clients that showing empathy, leveraging your vulnerability, and letting your colleagues know you care are all real ways to become a more effective leader. These methods are all antithetical to being the office Ice Queen, and lead to a healthier and more successful team dynamic.

Discriminatory and male-dominated work environments may be to blame for the existence of the Ice Queen stereotype but, by and large, the victims of the aggressive and bossy female leader are other women. And in fact, one of the top complaints I hear from my clients are stories of how their female bosses actively working to sabotage their career. Typically these are stories of female bosses who micro-manage which makes it difficult to gain the skills necessary to advance or don’t advocate on their behalf, limiting their visibility which hurts their chances for promotions. This practice hurts the overall cause for those of us who are interested in closing the gender leadership gap.

I believe it is vital for women to strengthen their professional relationships with each other in order to close this gender gap. Here’s a passage I include in Leading Gracefully: “When we become less judgemental, and more forgiving of women who may be slightly different than us, it can lead us to work better together – and give women the boost that they need to face the myriad other challenges they have to face in the workplace.”

Celebrating Male Allies Fighting for Gender Equality

The tech industry is rallying around gender diversity and women aren’t the only ones excited about it.

It’s easy to forget that men have mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters who all play important roles in their lives and careers. In a recent article on Entrepreneur.com, Toby Southgate (CEO, Brand Union) challenged the false conclusion that men are indifferent to the suffering of professional women by directly citing his daughter’s bravery as his inspiration for championing women’s rights. He reminds male leaders that they have two ears and one mouth, and that they “should use them in that proportion.” Men in leadership positions benefit from pulling up a chair and listening to the state of affairs for women before they start making plans to enact change in their own workplaces.

Another leader who is inspired by the strong women in his family is Kfir Gavrieli, CEO of Tieks. Gavrieli has long been an ardent supporter of women in the workplace, and has consistently put his money where his mouth is. His sister, Dikla, is the president of the company, and under her leadership, Tieks has committed over $2.5 million dollars to Kiva, which loans money to women entrepreneurs who don’t have access to traditional banking systems. “We believe these women are a key in the broader fight against global poverty,” Gavrieli says, “and that there is no better way to have impact than to support the ingenuity and efforts of these women.”

Nicholas Ferroni, a Huffington Post blogger and high school teacher was namedone of 2016’s 100 Most Influential people for his tireless work in education, specifically towards the advancement of young women and girls. He currently advises his high school’s “Feminist Club” and recently posted on Twitter, “Male teachers are in an amazing position to be role models for the boys and to set a very high standard for the girls.” Amen to that!

In my book Leading Gracefully, I directly address the importance of engaging men as allies if we want to close the gender gap in organizations. Men still hold about 95% of CEO positions in Fortune 500 companies, so it goes without saying that they play an integral role in women’s advancement. If we want to see transformative change in the leadership and gender pay gap, we need men as allies, advocates, and partners. It’s easy to focus on the bad actors we hear about in the media and to paint all men with broad brushstrokes, but it’s important to remember that there are many male executives that understand the importance of women in leadership and are actively working to promote them.

My personal belief is that we must engage with our male allies in constructive ways if we are to move past gender bias, sexism, and discrimination. To achieve that goal, we need comprehensive culture change initiatives that bring awareness to things like unconscious gender bias, inclusive leadership and how to support women’s advancement. Also, engaging in respectful conversation and dialogue on these subjects can be a great way to invite men into the conversation in settings like women’s conferences and forums. But the first step is role modeling bold leadership by courageous male allies in vocalizing their support for investing in women! And that’s something we can all be encouraged by!

Your Working Life Podcast Interview

I had the pleasure of speaking with Caroline Dowd-Higgins on her Your Working Life podcast recently. We spoke about my book, Leading Gracefully and how both women AND men can benefit from embodying “feminine qualities” of leadership, like vulnerability and empathy, and how these qualities are those that people are searching for in their leaders today.

Take a few minutes to enjoy our lively conversation about how to Lead Gracefully.

4 Reasons Why We’re Still Talking about Diversity

The business case for having more women on boards and in top executive positions is clear. It has been shown that when there are two or more women on a board of directors, the organization performs better on ROI by 66%. When companies are more racially and gender diverse, they outperform those with the least by 35% and 15% respectively. If any other investment opportunity presented this kind of potential gain, businesses would have jumped. But they haven’t. Some say it’s due to a lack of understanding of the business imperative, others point to a pipeline issue or a lack of mentoring. However, neuroscience points us to reasons that may not be in our current consciousness, creating barriers to capitalizing on those would-be gains.

Here are four types of gender bias that are contributing factors, the awareness of which is only the first step toward parity on boards and in top leadership positions.

Performance Bias:

Studies show that performance of those in the dominant, “in-group” (in this case white men) is based on their potential, not on their accomplishments. Therefore, male performance is over-estimated compared to that of women. Because women are held to stricter and higher standards, the odds of them progressing are lower.

Performance Attribution Bias:
When men and women perform an act, men are given credit more often while women are judged more harshly. Men are thought to have innate brilliance, where as women are thought to have made it due to a stroke of luck or help. Who would you like your board? Someone who you think is brilliant, or someone who got there because of pure luck?

Maternal Bias:
There is a general belief that women cannot be both good mothers and good performers, therefore women with children are less likely to be hired and promoted. Could this be a contributing factor in decisions made about women coming on to boards who are of mothering age?

Double Bind:
Women have the unique challenge of having to choose between being seen as competent or being liked, walking a tightrope between being too nice or being assertive, which often puts them in a double bind. Leadership qualities are still attributed to masculine qualities like being assertive, confident and direct, but when women present with this style, they are chastised.

Of course, there are many other types of unconscious bias, however these four in particular make it infinitely more difficult for women to break through into the ‘boy’s club.’ Awareness, mindfulness and behavior change are the antidotes, as is honest and open dialogue about the real impacts of bias and how to overcome them to achieve more balance.

Leaning into Our Dormant Power through Feminine Leadership

It’s great when I hear from women in the business/entrepreneurial world that resonate with my message. Learn Savvy’s Jen Aubert was one of those women who “get it” and I was thrilled when she invited me as guest on the new Learn Savvy podcast, where we spoke about the dormant power that lies in every woman, which I speak about in my book, Leading Gracefully. Having accessed my own “dormant power” many years ago while climbing a 40 foot tree and subsequently jumping out of said tree (while harnessed, of course!), I realized that this is a unique gift that women possess, yet many are either unaware of it or don’t tap into it as much as they could be.

This power lies in our second chakra, and is where our creativity and sexuality resides. It’s where life is created, but it’s also an immense source of power for women. But because of all the body shaming, objectification, and pressure to conform, our relationship with this part of our bodies is usually one that brings up a lot of shame, pain or even embarrassment. Rarely do we view it as a source of great creativity or power that we can utilize to our advantage. And yet tapping into it myself, I realized that when we do, we are much more tuned into the bigger picture, and we’re able to be strong, confident, and creative as a result.

So that’s the topic du jour in my lively conversation with the lovely fierce and feminine Jen Aubert as we explored what it means to be a feminine leader in today’s world.

Check out the full conversation on Learn Savvy’s podcast here: http://www.learnsavvy.co/dormant-power-feminine-leadership-interview-monique-tallon-fstu005/

Learning How to be an Authentic Leader in Business and Life

Had a great time speaking with my good friend, Annette Stepanian on her new podcast Office Talk. Annette is a lawyer that provides legal services to creative entrepreneurs, but is also passionate about helping people be their best selves, so it was awesome to talk about how women can be more of themselves in business and thrive. In this episode you’ll learn:

  • Why I transitioned from working in Silicon Valley to starting my own coaching practice
  • What it means to be operating from an empowered feminine state
  • How to effectively utilize vulnerability and why some women struggle to do just that
  • Why trying to prove your worth all the time is actually not a good idea
  • Why being competent and being liked don’t have to be mutually exclusive
  • Why the skills I speak about are even more important if you’re an entrepreneur
  • How your negative association with your body impacts your decision-making
  • The one exercise we should all be doing … and it doesn’t involve going to the gym
  • Why I opted to self publish her book versus working with a publisher
  • Some of the mistakes she made while self-publishing and how you can avoid them

Check out the full episode here: http://www.annettestepanian.com/podcast/6